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saucychinchilla's journal
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As I move forward, I can't help but look back sometimes. At who I thought I was. at who I really was. Sometimes I shake my head and laugh. Other times I cry. Now more than ever, though, I take a breath and am content. This journal may be sporadic and rarely updated, but it's still mine. This is still a part of me that existed once upon a time. That still exists, somewhere. That still has memories, good and bad, funny and heartbreaking. This is a person I am proud of now even though I've gone pretty far from who she was. And yet somehow, I want to go back to a place where things were simpler. Then I remember something: life isn't about going back. It's about going forward. Taking what you learn along the way with you. And leaving the bad parts behind. So I'm keeping this as something to take with me as I keep going, always forward. *~Mel~* |
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It's been a fun few years. Looking back on old entries, I see just how much I've grown from a teen to an adult, and for that, I'll always keep you around. However, the time has come for me to change again. I am no longer the innocent, wide-eyed student who once wrote in you. I am older, more experienced, and more aware of the good and bad life has to offer. I am resetting myself. I am starting over, reinventing via a new blog. It will continue my views from this point on, but I will be sure to visit from time to time. And I could never leave all who follow me here. If you wish to continue following my thoughts and life in general, here is where you will find me: http://rebootgirl.blogspot.com/ Thank you for being there, for letting me rant, rave, and write. I will always keep you alive, even if only a little bit. Here's to the good, the bad, and the past, journal. |
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In recent days, I had an epiphany when it comes to teaching. It came about with the help of a wonderful parent who told me a simple truth I had been refusing to face until now: "They're not all going to pass, nor are they all going to care. Your job starts and ends with teaching them, not passing them through because you feel bad for them." It was like a light switched on in my head. I could see the Matrix, finally. All of this stressing out about problem students and issues concerning kids who don't care suddenly became very clear to me: I'm not a bad teacher because they don't want to work. I'm a good teacher because I keep pushing them to work. However, even the best teachers can't make students do something they absolutely refuse to do, to the point where it takes them 50 minutes to an hour to write a sentence. 1 sentence. That is their laziness talking, not mine. I shared the following with my 8th grade class today. Many of them shat bricks before my eyes. I would like to share it here: Good afternoon, Buenas tardes. (mindless chatter) It's fine. I'll wait. (Chatter slows to silence after a while.) Well, you already wasted five minutes of class time. Good job. Perhaps if we stay this quiet we can get through (chatter) Never mind, I'll wait. (Students begin giggling and laughing) |
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Yep! It's that time of year again! So, while I may have been ridiculously busy to keep from updating as much as I used to, I haven't forgotten this. To Recap: 2005- Year of Ok, Now What?, 2006- Year of Kick Ass Awesome Changes, 2007- Year of Growth and Adjustment, and 2008- Year Of Learning and Experience. That means 2009 was... the Year I Left Neverland. I'm counting this as the first year as an adult and not just an overgrown kid. Why? ( Saving Your Friends Page, One Cut at a Time ) *~Mel~* |
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There is one thing I anticipated about teaching 8th grade Spanish in an urban environment that has definitely come true: the Latin/Hispanic kids are complete pains in the ass to deal with. As a Latina myself, I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with the walking stereotypes in that class. I mean, here I am, I spoke Spanish at home, I have a Latin/Hispanic heritage. I worked my ass off for years and always showed respect when it was needed of me. I have two degrees and I'm the kind of person who would cry if I got a B in school. These kids? They don't even let me explain what I'm doing half the time before they decide to tell me it's "mad corny" or "weak." They yell, curse, and bitch about every little thing. I ask them to stop talking, they tell me to shut up. I'm teaching 7th and 6th grade too and Latin/Hispanic kids in that class are not at all like that. I honestly don't know what it is, but I know for a fact I didn't go to school for all of this time to get disrespected by some wannabe hood rats who don't know a cuello from a culo. I don't even feel that bad about failing most of them. As they've said many times, "all of our other teachers passed us because we're Spanish." Well, nenes, I'm not that kind of teacher. I actually expect things like work and respect. And if you can't provide those things now, maybe you can in the summer. *sigh* Ending rant. Thank gawd I'm not seeing these kids until Monday. |
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Goodness, it exists! That's right. So, here's how things have gone in the world of Mel: *~ The Job is FABULOUS! All of the joy of caring for kids and getting hugs and teaching with none of the extra responsibility of taking them home. I love what I do, my co-workers are awesome, and it's also in Hoboken, which is, I dunno, across the river from Manhattan much?! Couldn't ask for a better placement if I tried. And I got it all by myself, on my own merits. Yeah. working life kicks ass. *~ The home front has cooled down by a lot since my dad flat out said Eddie's his kid too and we can stay in the house together until we find a place of our own. That huge burden on my head a few months ago. Gone. Lovin' it! *~Eddie's moving up North! Will cabin fever ensue? I highly doubt it. :-P *~I wrote a play! A full length one. And I'm working on another one right now. I missed writing so much. Now if only I could get this motivated more often... *~My laptop's still broken, I've been DnDless for a month. This is pretty much the only part of my life that sucks right now. Everything else is pretty damn golden. :D
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So, remember all of that fear about being unemployed this fall and failing at getting a job with a Master's Degree? Well, it turned out to be a little unfounded. I've been celebrating getting a job for the past few days, actually. I'm honestly surprised I didn't post here sooner. As for the job itself, I'm teaching Spanish at a charter school in Hoboken. The grade levels I teach will be K - 8, and I will have roughly 183 students I see every week. CRAZY BUSINESS!!! Seriously though, I couldn't have asked for a better job. Working with kids while being able to give them back to their parents? Check. Working in a place close to Manhattan so Eddie can act when he moves up here? Check. Having a job so I can start making my own life begin to take place? BIG check! Now all I need is a place (ha ha). Well... I guess that will come on it's own. I mean, i didn't think I'd ever find a job. Thankfully, I was quite wrong. :D :D :D :D :D *~Mel~*
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... I get the feeling that I really should have majored in Theatre instead of English. I miss writing, especially play writing so much now. ... I feel there was really no point in getting a Master's if I can't get an effin job with it. That last job let me down, although I'm looking forward to what's coming up ahead. ... I want to run away from this place. Scratch that. Make that all the time. ... I wonder what's left after college. I was so happy for 4 years and now it's all crashed down on me. No job, no apartment on my own. Just fail after fail after fail. ... I worry about what's going to happen to me if I don't get a job before fall. It really scares me. I have a plan to get out of here before I'm 23, but it seems to be pushing back a year or two. Don't like that at all. Those are times when I look back, take a deep breath, and keep going. It may be dark now, but I'll never find the light if I don't move forward.
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I had an amazing time. I loved the area you were in and think I would be a perfect fit for the school's curriculum and student body. You said you wanted someone trained in technology: Here I am. You said you wanted someone who could understand girl bullying: Here I am. You said you would be hoping for someone with a Master's: Um, HELLO?! I know I'm not supposed to hear from you until next week, but I definitely felt a connection. Not to be clingy or anything, but I think we could have a wonderful life together if you'd just give me a chance. I'll be waiting, and hoping. Love, Me
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pleased
jubilant
pensieve
tired