Never · part · of · any · crowd, · 'cause · her · head's · up · on · some · cloud

There is one thing I anticipated about teaching 8th grade Spanish in an urban environment that has definitely come true: the Latin/Hispanic kids are complete pains in the ass to deal with. As a Latina myself, I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with the walking stereotypes in that class. I mean, here I am, I spoke Spanish at home, I have a Latin/Hispanic heritage. I worked my ass off for years and always showed respect when it was needed of me. I have two degrees and I'm the kind of person who would cry if I got a B in school.

These kids?

They don't even let me explain what I'm doing half the time before they decide to tell me it's "mad corny" or "weak." They yell, curse, and bitch about every little thing. I ask them to stop talking, they tell me to shut up. I'm teaching 7th and 6th grade too and Latin/Hispanic kids in that class are not at all like that. I honestly don't know what it is, but I know for a fact I didn't go to school for all of this time to get disrespected by some wannabe hood rats who don't know a cuello from a culo.

I don't even feel that bad about failing most of them. As they've said many times, "all of our other teachers passed us because we're Spanish." Well, nenes, I'm not that kind of teacher. I actually expect things like work and respect. And if you can't provide those things now, maybe you can in the summer.

*sigh* Ending rant. Thank gawd I'm not seeing these kids until Monday.

Goodness, it exists! That's right.

So, here's how things have gone in the world of Mel:

*~ The Job is FABULOUS! All of the joy of caring for kids and getting hugs and teaching with none of the extra responsibility of taking them home. I love what I do, my co-workers are awesome, and it's also in Hoboken, which is, I dunno, across the river from Manhattan much?! Couldn't ask for a better placement if I tried. And I got it all by myself, on my own merits. Yeah. working life kicks ass.

*~ The home front has cooled down by a lot since my dad flat out said Eddie's his kid too and we can stay in the house together until we find a place of our own. That huge burden on my head a few months ago. Gone. Lovin' it!

*~Eddie's moving up North! Will cabin fever ensue? I highly doubt it. :-P

*~I wrote a play! A full length one. And I'm working on another one right now. I missed writing so much. Now if only I could get this motivated more often...

*~My laptop's still broken, I've been DnDless for a month. This is pretty much the only part of my life that sucks right now.

Everything else is pretty damn golden.

:D

So, remember all of that fear about being unemployed this fall and failing at getting a job with a Master's Degree?

Well, it turned out to be a little unfounded. I've been celebrating getting a job for the past few days, actually. I'm honestly surprised I didn't post here sooner. As for the job itself, I'm teaching Spanish at a charter school in Hoboken. The grade levels I teach will be K - 8, and I will have roughly 183 students I see every week.

CRAZY BUSINESS!!!

Seriously though, I couldn't have asked for a better job. Working with kids while being able to give them back to their parents? Check. Working in a place close to Manhattan so Eddie can act when he moves up here? Check. Having a job so I can start making my own life begin to take place? BIG check!

Now all I need is a place (ha ha). Well... I guess that will come on it's own. I mean, i didn't think I'd ever find a job. Thankfully, I was quite wrong.

:D :D :D :D :D

*~Mel~*

So I just got my laptop back from CNS for what I hope will be the last time. Now that I've gotten that sweet, sweet drug called the Internet back in my system, a few life updates.

I got a Master's Degree. Holy shit. You know, a year or so ago I was terrified I would never get here. That no grad. school would want me or that I wouldn't be able to handle grad. school. in general. And trust me, there were more than enough times where I would look at my books and think "I can't take it any more". But I stuck it through, stayed because I love going in front of a classroom and telling kids what's what. And I ended up with... that same little letter Drew gives out at commencement, but with the knowledge that I'll have the big piece o' paper in a few weeks. And, to top it all, I got to graduate with the class I originally tried to ditch. No hard feelings, guys. Right? In all seriousness though, these were without a doubt the best four years of my life (so far) and while i am incredibly sad that I no longer go to Drew as a student, I think I'm ready to be a creepy alum full time.

I joined a new gym! I'll be frank: I know I can be healthier than what I am now. I know I can look better in sassy clothing if I watch myself a little more than I have been doing. And I know I have less than three weeks to look like the best arm candy Eddie can take to our friend's wedding in June. As usual when I put my mind to things, I'm going to get this done. If I can get a driver's license and an MAT in one year, surely I can tone up a little bit, yes? And if I don't right away, I'll just keep trying. I have my whole life to become who I want to be, in all aspects.

There's a greater than 0% chance that Eddie and I will be living together in the near future. That's all I'm gonna say about that because I don't wanna jinx it *knocks on wood*.

More to come!

*~Mel~*

So, the DnD campaign I've been running has just hit a major turning point. This was the first major plot twist I wrote into the storyline that I attempted to show the characters and it worked! None of the boys ever saw it coming and as of now, they're dying to reach the thrilling conclusion to last session's big reveal.

I have to say, I am loving the part I play in this campaign. Any gamers who have run campaigns out there know it's not easy. A Game/Dungeon Master has to have monsters, non-playable-characters, environments, and all sorts of other things ready before every session takes place. They also have to manage all of their players' stories, likes, dislikes, and random social stuff that'll happen in the game. Most games I've played in past campaigns have usually fallen apart due to player drama (i.e. - why it's usually a bad idea to have a dating couple play together. Usually).

It's also been helping me fill my need to be creative. There's only so many lesson plans I can write before I need an outlet for me writing, and this is definitely me writing. While DnD may have it's own connotations developed over the years, actually playing it is kind of like playing a choose your own adventure story. There's actions the characters can take that will either make things better, worse, or random. And trust me, I love the random.

But yeah, it's been a fun time so far. It's definitely some fluff I need to balance the craziness of student teaching. It's going well too, by the way, just stressful. But it's almost done, so another thing to be happy about!

Yeah, good stuff. :)

*~Mel~*

Ah, the job search. I've tried so hard to avoid it in the past year but now it appears it's finally caught up.

So far, I've been rejected from one school, am applying to two more, and waiting to hear from a summer internship. Trust me, I know this is far from over. I'm definitely going to apply to more places and positions, especially now that I'm on break from school. My only regret is that the place I'm student teaching now doesn't have an opening. The 6th graders have definitely grown on me, and I on them. And while I would love to see them through 7th and 8th grade, it seems the school doesn't have room for me next year.

There's something about teaching middle school that is far more satisfying than attending it. I think it's watching children grow from parroting their parents' opinions and act like, well, children, to changing cognitively and physically and starting to develop their own identities. While this is interesting to me as a teacher, it's hell on the kids. Half the time, their parents have been to timid or plain old ignorant to inform the kids their bodies and mindsets will change, so they don't know what's going on. And the ones that do are usually dicks to the ones that don't. Girls, as I expected, are always the worst offenders. Though, by now, they've at least learned not to pull that mean girls crap around me because I WILL punish them for it. Now if only thy could just knock it off in general...

And not to sound like a fogey, but kids today. Seriously. Has no one ever taught them "If it doesn't belong to you, don't touch it without asking for permission"? Or "Maybe running into the street to tag a moving car is a bad idea"? Or "You will get caught running a gossip website if you don't disguise your names"? I know we all do stupid things as kids, but some of these are Darwin Awards waiting to happen. It's frustrating because I know they wouldn't do any of that stuff if they were getting positive feedback for more appropriate things like doing well in school, but that's parent territory where teachers, unfortunately, have almost no influence.

And yet, I love what I do. I love going in every morning. I love gossiping about who likes who and who's dating. I love watching them learn and I love watching them have fun. I love having them around, though I equally love sending them back home so I can get my personal time. It mixes my need to perform and my need to help others perfectly and cemented the idea that while bio kids may not be for me, helping out other people's kids is. And maybe I can influence them in some way. Maybe show them you can be cool without having to do what others tell you to do or you can be comfortable with who you are no matter what. Let's hope, right?

*~Mel~*

My birthday is next week. I'll be turning 22. I will also be a month and a half closer to graduating and finding a job out there in the real world. In all hope,  will be closing the book on being a student for what may be the rest of my life. So, I'm doing what I do best in these kind of times: pondering.

Ever notice how similar life is to the seasons? There's Spring first. Everything is born and grows. Flowers spurt from their seeds and cute little animals are born. They begin to walk and learn how to feed or hunt on their own from their parents. Spring eventually turns to summer; trees grow green and lush and animals and humans alike work. Summer used to be the season for growing and working on fields, tending crops to make sure they grow. So that in the next season, Autumn, we could collect what we worked so hard to take care of. Autumn is the time were we reap all of the benefits of our hard work, when we finally come into our own and people after growing and working so hard in the first two seasons. Then, there's Winter. Winter is the time when everything slows down, everything becomes cold and dark and many things die. The life that lived before unfortunately comes to an end... at least until Spring arrives again. It is an endless circle out planet has had from perhaps the beginning, and a cycle ingrained in all of its creatures.

I find that I am saying goodbye to the Spring of my life. I have learned to walk, talk, read, study, and fend for myself. I have been in school for 16 years of my life that have gone in a blink of an eye. I have grown physically, emotionally, and mentally to an adult. Most of all, I feel that I am ready to work. I feel ready to go out there and strike out on my own. To start the Summer of my lifetime running and going on until I can savor every reward in the Autumn. While it's sad to leave one season of my lifetime, I know I will cherish it for as long as I can remember. And hey, if reincarnation happens (and it might, who knows), there's no one saying that Spring will never happen for me again. It'll just take a while ;)

Just did about a semester's worth of one class in a month. Owie. Grade should be coming in at some point, but I'm not too worried about it. Student teaching. Monday. 15 weeks. The one thing that stands between me getting a degree and moving on with life or failing miserably. 

Yeah, I'm not nervous. Nope.

Seriously though, I think I'm gonna like it. The students today were so glad to see me back after 3 months. If there's an opening in the district where I'm apprenticing, I'm taking it. And moving there. I don't know about any of y'all out there, but I'm so ready to move past the student part of life and onto the grownup part. Granted, the path I've chosen means I'll technically never leave school barring a career change inflicted by a mid-life crisis, but I am in a position of more power now. And I like that. *grin*

In other news, I'm been DMing a fourth edition DnD game. It's fucking fantastic. I remember an older joke called "Mel's GM," which would usually allude to some disaster or a situation where everyone wins or dies horribly because I didn't know how to GM at the time (for those who don't know these terms, GM means game master, it's DM in DnD because I'm making Dungeons, hence... you get the idea). Well, I'm glad to say I've lived far past those expectations and have a campaign made up completely of veteran gaming males under my every control and whim. I love my life sometimes. Well... 99.9% of the time. ^_^.

It's weird thinking how far I've come, and how I've yet to go. Life has had some fun turns and twists and this is only the beginning. Well, here's to being a grown up with childlike tendencies. And living to the fullest.

*~Mel~*

So I just saw my completed registration for my last semester at Drew (For real this time. Sorry, y'all).

3 Classes. 12 Credits. 153 Days and Counting.

And I can't for the life of me figure out how I got here. How did I make it past Kindergarten? Grade School? Middle School? High School? Drew? Drew again? And all... to end up back in Middle School, which was undoubtedly the time I hated most? How am I alright with this?!

Other than that little philosophical dilemma, life's been good. Just ordered some holiday gifts for teh Edward and hoping he likes them. Not  worried about what he'll get me, if anything, cause really? He's all I need. (Sorry to induce the diabetic coma from the sap, but it's true.)

I have one last thing to do this semester, and I'm enjoying it! Two days ago I had to down 8 cups of coffee in a span of two hours to tackle this 36 page monster of a Unit Plan. It went down, and so did I for about a day after.

Making new friends is fun! So is reaching across the age groups from Freshies to Fellow Gradkids.

I finally got that damned driver's license! Yes, it's provisional, but it's a start. That whole bumming rides off people thing. Not happening next semester. WIN!!!

I'm starting to feel like even more of a grownup. It's not scary anymore.

*~Mel~*

So recently I went through a 2 month dry spell. No Eddie. No lovin'. No good times. It kinda sucked. Then...

1) Thanksgiving happened! And it went really, really well. Not only could Eddie hold his own with my family, he could do it over a holiday. Not that I didn't have faith in him, but as usual, I worried way too much. We hung out at home and in the city and I got to drive him around with my BRAND NEW DRIVER'S LICENSE (OMGWTFBBQ! You'd think I'd write an entry about that, wouldn't you?). For the first time, I really felt like a grown up. It was like getting a glimpse at the life we could have. I liked it.

and

2) Revels happened a week later, and Eddie returned. So after weeks of loneliness, I got to see my boyfriend two weekends in a row. The second time with a whole lot of alumns I haven't seen in far too long. It's true what they say: the more things change, the more they stay the same. By the end of the night, everyone was hanging out in Riker, Evan was topless, and Eddie and I fell asleep in each others'arms. Just like old times. ;)

I don't see him again until New Year's, but I really can't complain after these weekends. After all, remember that lost time dry spell? Totally made up for. :D!

*~Mel~*

I am sooooo sick of classes right about now. Whatever motivation I had in the beginning of the year mysteriously disappeared at least a month ago. Between Observations and Fieldwork and Lesson Plans and Projects, I'm amazed I have time for myself nowadays.

I'm never going to get used to being here without Eddie. I've tried ever since May 28th when everything started, but it just doesn't work. Granted, I love the time I now get with girlfriends and our movie nights, but it would be nice to have that and the love of my life too, yes? At least long distance is working out for us. That usually means we can handle anything as a couple, and that makes me happy. :)

California's not as cool as it used to be. (Seriously, guys, what the fuck?) That's all I'm going to say about that. No, that's a lie: I'm glad there are enough sensible people in this country to be outraged and attempting to change things. Don't worry. We as a country went past slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation. We can do this too.

Some people need to grow up. Other people need to stand up. Most people just need to chill, myself included.  I can say this though: when most of the folks you work with are terrified to tell you their opinions, you done fucked up somewhere. (Not elaborating until further notice. Sorry, y'all.)

I cut my finger on a knife and promptly disinfected it. Fuck you, tetanus!

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

I've been spending the last weekend (and this one too) helping out my brother. He broke up with his girlfriend after a month of soul searching over something really important. Something that I actually saw coming not too long after they started dating: Marriage and Babies.

See, here's the thing. This isn't true for all women. I most certainly hope it won't be true for me, but that could change; in any case, here's the deal: it's damn near impossible to find a woman in her 30s who isn't baby rabid. This girlfriend of his was awesome. A thousand times better than the last creature he brought home. She was educated and pretty, stylish, and motivational, but she just had that one major hurdle she couldn't jump- she wanted the Marriage and Babies package immediately and didn't want to wait. She put this huge romantic ideal over another human being's personal feelings and insecurities, and that just didn't cut it for my brother.

After talking with him seriously, he's been really open about the last month. How she'd guilt him with "If you loved me, you'd do this for me" and "I'm not getting any younger and neither are you," things like that. How this person he loved so much had turned into someone completely different after a year or so of dating. How he was put aside for something that didn't even exist. I told him the truth, that's total bullshit, and he agreed with me. Doesn't mean he's 100% better now, but he's pretty much decided that anyone who doesn't love him for who he is and wants to bend him to what she wants isn't worth being with. I'm really proud of him for that.

So ladies and gentlemen, I hope you've learned something from this. I know he has, and so have I. It's never ok to guilt anyone into doing something. If you enter a relationship hoping to change someone, you're screwed, end of story. Just because someone's mostly tolerable doesn't mean they're perfect for you; never settle for someone below your standards.

And, above all things: if you're not sure you want kids, don't have them. Kids are a decision that can't be taken back, and enough people have them for the completely wrong reasons or because they want to please a partner that almost always leaves them once the kids are born. Don't be one of them. Just because everyone else has kids doesn't mean you have to too. And ladies, don't nag your man for a kid unless you want to break up with them. Trust me, it won't work the way it's supposed to.

*~Mel~*